Snarkfire and Brimstone

[00:00:00] Do you know that? You are in the morning, quickly wear your favorite shirt, grab a coffee and a flak.

[00:00:07] No panic, parsley discs save the day. With their powerful formula, they eliminate the most hard-knock flaks themselves for deep, pure washing.

[00:00:16] Just throw the disc into the trash and the rest, that makes your washing machine because you always give your best.

[00:00:22] Try now the best discs from parsley. Save extra range of children.

[00:00:30] This book is brought to you by the book Letting Go, How I Felt Gay Conversion Therapy and Learn to Love Myself by Aaron Simnowitz.

[00:00:36] In this book, I take the reader on my journey as I navigate the controversial divide between the evangelical church and homosexuality.

[00:00:44] This book gives readers just one example of a life that was tortured by gay conversion therapy and how it is possible to come out on the other side of self-acceptance.

[00:00:53] You can pick up this book at amazon.com right now.

[00:01:00] It's time for another round of Snarky Faith with your host, Stuart Delony.

[00:01:05] This is a space where we irreverently wrestle through life, culture and spirituality, all with our heads in the clouds, our tongues in our cheeks, our hearts in our sleeves and our feet on the ground.

[00:01:17] At Snarky Faith, the questions or even the answers are never the point. It's all about the conversation.

[00:01:23] So here's your host, Stuart Delony.

[00:01:28] Welcome back to Snarky Faith. I'm Stuart Delony, your guide through the wilderness of spiritually disenfranchised radio.

[00:01:37] Had enough of the insanity and Christianity? Well, you've come to the right place.

[00:01:41] We're here on a quest for a sane, grounded faith that aims to make the world better in real, tangible ways.

[00:01:48] We're not afraid to call out the religious BS or to look for better pathways forward.

[00:01:53] If your conversations about faith require a heavy dose of sarcasm and even a bit of this, then welcome home.

[00:02:01] You can find this and all past episodes at snarkyfaith.com or wherever else you listen to podcasts.

[00:02:08] We're here. We're there. We're practically everywhere. Just look for Snarky Faith.

[00:02:15] Previously on Snarky Faith.

[00:02:17] He was actually president for these two terms. He was, I don't know if I believe that.

[00:02:22] What do you believe? Obama's calling the shots from a basement during Biden's term.

[00:02:27] You know he was. Everybody knows he was.

[00:02:31] Yeah. Everybody knows he was. Everybody.

[00:02:36] Hey there folks. Welcome back to Snarky Faith.

[00:02:39] You know, just when you thought things couldn't get any crazier here we are standing at the precipice of another presidential election.

[00:02:50] And let me tell you, shaping up to be a doozy as always.

[00:02:54] And as if the past few years weren't enough of a circus, the 2024 race is promising to be more like a three ring bonanza complete with its very own clown car.

[00:03:09] Believe dudes in bronzer. Yeah, yeah.

[00:03:15] It's insane. And I'm pretty sure that it's only going to get crazier. Are you feeling it?

[00:03:21] Are you feeling the insanity? I mean, I am. I am. I mean, I get it.

[00:03:27] And it's easy to feel overwhelmed with every headline screaming disaster and every talking head pushing the panic button.

[00:03:38] It can feel like we're caught in a whirlpool of anxiety and outrage, but here's a literal reminder for all of us, myself included, something I have to do for myself regularly.

[00:03:50] And so I figured it would be good for you. It's a reminder to simply slow down, take a breath and remember that life is more than politics.

[00:04:07] Now I know this stuff matters. I really know how much the stuff matters, but we have to remember this is not the whole story.

[00:04:14] There's more to life than red versus blue. And there's more than the latest scant scandal or sound bite.

[00:04:24] There's family, there's friends, there's art, there's music. There is a good cup of coffee in the morning.

[00:04:30] Or maybe it's just a quiet moment to yourself. We've got to remember.

[00:04:36] We've got to remember that there is more to life than this death spiral that we find ourselves in.

[00:04:43] So in the midst of all of this madness, let's not forget to find those moments of peace.

[00:04:50] Those moments of clarity. Those reminders of what makes us human.

[00:04:57] And let us not let the chaos steal the joy or our humanity.

[00:05:04] Because the world seems to be losing its collective mind.

[00:05:09] And there's still room for a bit of snark, a bit of sanity and hopefully a lot of heart.

[00:05:19] So let's cut through the noise, laugh at the absurdity and remind ourselves that it's not all doom and gloom.

[00:05:27] There's still something that is worth holding on to, whether it's hope, community or just the basic idea that we can be better than this mess that we find ourselves in.

[00:05:41] So buckle up. We're diving head first into the crazy. And if we play our cards, right?

[00:05:47] We might just come out the other side with a little more clarity, a lot more grace and at the very least, hopefully a few laughs.

[00:05:57] So let's go ahead and begin this show with the Christian crazy.

[00:06:03] The choices cuts of Christian nuts were our favorite televangelist self-proclaimed prophets and grifters of the gospel never disappoint.

[00:06:13] Here you are, your Christian crazy.

[00:06:19] Woo! Let's go.

[00:06:21] If loving the Lord is wrong, I don't want to be right.

[00:06:25] The Lord, the Lord is my shepherd. He'd know what I want.

[00:06:33] Now on the show we like to talk about the Christian patriarchy, right?

[00:06:39] About how much of Christianity tries to really create this two-tiered system of men get to do this stuff, but women you get to do this stuff.

[00:06:50] And I realized, oh my gosh. Oh my God. Is the Christian crazy? Has it become misogynistic? Do we only have the choices cuts of Christian nuts who are men?

[00:07:04] And when I realize this being able to say the choices cuts of Christian nuts shouldn't only have nuts.

[00:07:11] Oh no. We need to create that space for the women as well too.

[00:07:17] We need a female voice to the insanity of Christianity.

[00:07:21] Oh, yeah, we're going to go ahead and do that.

[00:07:25] Yep. This is the all women's edition of the Christian crazy.

[00:07:30] So first up today we have this is the Georgia GOP district chair, Candace Taylor talking about

[00:07:41] what the separation of church and state really means.

[00:07:46] The idea behind the whole document was that the church runs the state, the church and we the people. We are the church. You and I, Eric are the church.

[00:07:58] And so we run the state, but the state, the government has no control over the church.

[00:08:03] And then everybody's like, oh well, then you gotta let Satanists come in and you've got to let witches come in and you've got to let Muslims and Hindus.

[00:08:09] No, no we don't. We don't because America is founded on God Almighty, creator God. Y'all way.

[00:08:20] I'm sorry, what was that? Y'all way.

[00:08:23] So being a southerner, yes, I was born in Atlanta, Georgia and raised there as well too.

[00:08:28] I feel that I have the background in order to be able to, hmm, how do I say this?

[00:08:36] Make fun of her accent with this one. Y'all way. That is the most southern thing I have ever heard in my life.

[00:08:45] There's y'all way, but you know if you're in the deep South there's y'all way.

[00:08:52] Sorry. Continue Candace, continue on whatever drivel that you're driveling at this moment in time.

[00:08:59] Y'all way. We can go on and on. That is what we're founded on.

[00:09:05] And I don't have to honor your religion. I don't have to give you freedom of religion.

[00:09:12] Freedom of religion is there for us to worship Jesus. It's not for you to come forth anything else upon me.

[00:09:18] Oh my God, that is so adorable. The idea that yes, freedom from freedom of religion simply means that Christian can do what they want,

[00:09:27] but y'all that aren't of our religion, y'all can't do none of that stuff around me. That's not the Constitution.

[00:09:36] It's not in there at all.

[00:09:39] It's not in there, but also the idea of just separation of church and state is in there.

[00:09:44] And it has nothing to do with this conversation, but oh, it's adorable.

[00:09:49] It's adorable. And I didn't realize all this time I was praying to the wrong God.

[00:09:54] I need to continue to move forward and pray to the proper God of y'all way.

[00:10:02] And apparently y'all way is not what y'all way was the y'all way that I grew up with and thought about because apparently if you listen to Christian hosts,

[00:10:11] Kelsey O'Malley, y'all way is the God, the God of reservations.

[00:10:20] It's amazing. It's absolutely miraculous.

[00:10:25] Tell us, Kelsey. Tell us about how God showed up in such a miraculous way.

[00:10:32] My life was so changed by one guy's example. We were going out to dinner after a church meeting and we were coming up to this Mexican restaurant

[00:10:43] and there was all this line of people and I said to him, I was like, oh, I'll go put our names up there because look,

[00:10:49] there's going to be a long wait. Is everybody okay with waiting? And he turned to me and he said, Kelsey, we're not waiting.

[00:10:56] He said, do you know who we are? We're God's kids. We're not waiting. We're going to go inside. They're going to have a table for us

[00:11:03] and we won't even put our names on the waiting list. And a server walks up to him and goes, how many in your party?

[00:11:12] And he says, however many there were six or seven or more and he goes, okay.

[00:11:17] And he gets the menus and he goes right this way. And it was a private room off the set. We had no reservations.

[00:11:24] And that did something, Nathan, in my heart. That did something in my heart because I saw it.

[00:11:31] I saw his faith in knowing that God loves me.

[00:11:35] Oh, sweet Jesus. Hallelujah. It's a miracle. God still works in miracles today.

[00:11:43] Seriously people, you look at the Old Testament, see them miracles over there?

[00:11:49] Look to God's miracles today. No reservation. Q angelic heart playing.

[00:11:59] There's still miracles today. Maybe a blind man isn't seeing, but I don't have to wait in line for my reservation.

[00:12:09] Oh, thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Yalway.

[00:12:13] And lastly, in the Christian crazy, we have someone that is certifiably crazy, Christian crazy for that matter.

[00:12:20] But we haven't really had her on the Christian crazy a whole lot.

[00:12:23] But if you don't know who she is good on you, your life is probably better.

[00:12:29] But if you do know who she is, here's Candace Owens talking about religion, evolution and where we're all at right now.

[00:12:40] She's going to educate us on what the proper way to think is. Hmm. Candace.

[00:12:47] Can you imagine just like the story of man here? Like it just really we have a creator, right?

[00:12:52] We have a Bible that tells us the story of exactly what happened.

[00:12:58] And then it takes some modern satanists to come around and to convince you that actually you're from an ape.

[00:13:06] No, like they're like this is this is science. It's science guys. You you come from apes.

[00:13:11] You were an australopithecus and then you were like, oh, and then one day you started walking erect, homo erectus.

[00:13:18] You started walking around. And now you can speak and yeah, the chimps are still here and you are you share a DNA with them.

[00:13:24] You're you come from monkeys and there are people that believe that because trust the science, right?

[00:13:30] They polluted our bodies every single day. We understand this.

[00:13:33] We're literally being mass poisoned by the same government that is rinsing the population with this atheism, right?

[00:13:40] This atheist ideology while convincing people to believe in themselves.

[00:13:44] You can be your own God. We're now at a point where science is instructing children.

[00:13:49] They can just choose their own sex.

[00:13:51] Well, that's quite a leap here from teaching of evolution and the way that things have progressed over the last millennia.

[00:14:03] To poisoning our bodies and delving into conspiracy theories because this this this stuff is the apex of the Christian crazy.

[00:14:16] It is it is the paramount of insanity.

[00:14:24] But hey, when it comes to the Christian crazy, I don't want anybody saying that I'm all about the patriarchy because guess what?

[00:14:34] I am very, very egalitarian when it comes to craziness of the faith.

[00:14:42] Screw complementarianism. No, no, no, no.

[00:14:47] Men, women, everybody in between or even not on the spectrum.

[00:14:55] We can all be nuts. Guess what?

[00:15:00] We can also all do better.

[00:15:04] Yeah, yeah.

[00:15:06] So just remember folks that the insanity in Christianity knows no bounds.

[00:15:14] And if you don't believe me, well, well, well, we've moved through the Christian crazy.

[00:15:20] Now it's time for your Christian cringe of the week. The worst. Here we go.

[00:15:34] So lastly, here's what I've got for you.

[00:15:38] I've got to it may be of the greatest chuckle fox of the faith here.

[00:15:46] We have Johnny and low talking to a sentient egg about the surprise mystery, the surprise mystery of what's going to happen.

[00:15:59] That's going to sway the election for Trump because guess what?

[00:16:03] If you just wait to know, you'll need to keep waiting to knowing about whatever BS he is spending here.

[00:16:12] But I love how excited they are about absolutely nothing and how abjectly insane this is.

[00:16:21] Because again, I'll remind you these two dudes are talking about nothing.

[00:16:29] But it's interesting.

[00:16:31] I have become aware in a conclusive way that there is a major name star that has been assumed to be dead for a long time.

[00:16:44] Who could it be?

[00:16:45] I'm just not allowed to say who it is right now.

[00:16:48] But now I know you didn't tell me you're going to say that.

[00:16:53] But now I know who you're talking about. Yes, that's going to be exciting.

[00:16:56] Intrigue.

[00:16:57] I'm not even sure you do, but that's possible.

[00:16:59] Okay.

[00:17:01] There's more than one.

[00:17:02] There's probably like three top ones that I hear the most.

[00:17:07] So if you're a person that frequents the Patriot channels, you can probably narrow that down to one or two.

[00:17:14] Yeah, this is somebody you interacted with in the last few days.

[00:17:19] You interacted with this person?

[00:17:22] Well, would you say the person's security?

[00:17:26] Oh, wow.

[00:17:28] Right.

[00:17:29] So I'm not supposed to say too much because if they don't see that it's the right timing, then I don't want to mess it up for them or anybody else.

[00:17:39] I'm so glad he didn't mess this up by actually naming any names because there are so many people that we're sitting and waiting around for that were presumed to be dead, but are not dead and have security teams that want to talk to Pastor

[00:17:54] Prophet Johnny in low about all of this because, you know, obviously there's so many like I'm just trying to think of who are the top people that are dead that aren't dead that really could be endorsing Trump.

[00:18:10] Anyone, anyone, anyone have any ideas?

[00:18:13] I mean, I can spitball here.

[00:18:15] Let me think of a few people that it could be.

[00:18:18] Hmm.

[00:18:20] Hmm.

[00:18:21] Elvis Billy Graham.

[00:18:24] Hmm.

[00:18:24] OJ OJ's wife.

[00:18:27] OJ's wife's lover.

[00:18:29] Who could it be? I don't know how do they cold us in this stasis of non knowing God, where are you?

[00:18:38] Oh, it's a good thing that Johnny in low is the prophet and I'm not because I don't know if I can handle this kind of information.

[00:18:44] Oh, well, well folks, you've made it through the insanity of Christianity, the Christian cringe.

[00:18:51] And so now, now I think you're ready for a little snarky sermon.

[00:18:57] And just remember this sermon is in the vein of American Christianity.

[00:19:02] It's going to lay down what's important.

[00:19:05] It's going to set us straight.

[00:19:06] It's going to send us all the way towards those pearly gates in heaven.

[00:19:12] This is what we've been waiting for people.

[00:19:15] This is what we're missing.

[00:19:17] This is what we need to hear now from God, our orange God, our bronze God, our God from our logo.

[00:19:30] So are you ready folks?

[00:19:31] Are you ready for a sermon?

[00:19:33] Because it's been a little while since I've been behind a pulpit.

[00:19:36] Well, if you're ready, if you're ready, I'm ready.

[00:19:44] So get ready.

[00:19:45] Here we go in a second.

[00:19:47] Well, it's time, brothers and sisters, that we get back to some snark fire and brimstone to some old home preaching that reaches the pews in the back and that brings people to glory.

[00:20:16] Well, it's time to pray to accept Trump as your Lord and Savior.

[00:20:22] Welcome, dear believers to the first church of Trump.

[00:20:26] Please take your seats, don your red hats and open your league Greenwood Maga Bibles to the book of deplorables.

[00:20:33] That's right. This morning's sermon comes straight from the Gospel of Donald J. Trump, the latest authoritarian strongman and another savior for America.

[00:20:45] He's chosen one folks, only one.

[00:20:48] And if you're not on board yet, well, you might as well start packing for one of those woke heathen countries without landish concepts like a functioning democracy and universal health care.

[00:21:01] Oh, the horror.

[00:21:04] Let's get this out of the way.

[00:21:06] The 2024 election.

[00:21:07] It's not just an election.

[00:21:09] It's a holy war.

[00:21:11] Forget the dusty old concept of separation and church and state.

[00:21:16] Uh-uh, that is a relic of the past.

[00:21:20] Now it's all about separating the sheep from the goats, the Maga Patriots from the woke mob and so called true Christians from the suckers who still believe in the archaic ideas like love, humility, justice.

[00:21:36] Who needs any of that when you've got divine revelation of tax cuts for billionaires and a border wall that God himself apparently ordered through a burning bush made of the sweet red, white and blue.

[00:21:53] In the new grand Maga narrative voting for Trump isn't just a choice anymore.

[00:21:58] It's become a requirement for entry into the pearly gates.

[00:22:03] Forget your outdated notions about grace or mercy.

[00:22:07] Trump has rewritten Christian orthodoxy folks.

[00:22:10] And if you don't like it tough, apparently God is fine with it all.

[00:22:16] Trump survived an assassination attempt.

[00:22:18] Well that's proof.

[00:22:20] That's proof right there that he's divinely appointed, right?

[00:22:25] Jesus may have multiplied the loaves and the fishes, but Trump.

[00:22:28] He multiplies scandals and indictments.

[00:22:32] It's practically the same thing.

[00:22:35] Let's talk about the new commandments.

[00:22:37] Thou shalt not support women's rights over their own bodies.

[00:22:42] Thou shalt not acknowledge systemic racism because it makes the rich white people uncomfortable.

[00:22:48] Mm-hmm.

[00:22:49] And thou shalt definitely not love thy neighbor if thy neighbor happens to be a Democrat,

[00:22:56] LGBTQ plus or anyone who foolishly thinks health care is a human right.

[00:23:03] The new Christian values checklist has been rewritten to focus on things like guns,

[00:23:09] borders and the almighty tax loophole.

[00:23:13] Jesus is called to love your enemies?

[00:23:15] Well that's been conveniently updated to own the lives and mock the poor.

[00:23:21] The spirit of Christ is alive and well.

[00:23:26] Amen, amen.

[00:23:28] Now you may think I'm exaggerating, but just take a look at how Trumpism has hijacked the faith.

[00:23:36] Pastors are now delivering sermons that sound more like campaign rallies,

[00:23:39] complete with chants of locker up and prayers for divine vengeance against their political enemies.

[00:23:47] We've officially reached the point where political conservative orthodoxy has totally eclipsed anything remotely resembling the teachings of Jesus.

[00:23:58] The Beatitudes, they've been cut from the playbook.

[00:24:02] Sermon on the Mount canceled.

[00:24:04] Instead we've got the beat downs and the sermon on the MAGA hat.

[00:24:09] It's easier to read.

[00:24:11] Blessed are the rich, the powerful and those who refuse to fact check anything on social media.

[00:24:19] And it's not just about faith folks, it's about fear.

[00:24:24] Fear of losing control, fear of the other, fear of a world where white Christian dominance isn't a given.

[00:24:31] Woo.

[00:24:33] Trumpism isn't just a political movement, it's a spiritual battle cry against the perceived death of our privilege.

[00:24:42] And when you frame it that way, it's easy to see why so many are praying at the altar of Trump.

[00:24:50] Forget Jesus flipping the tables and temples.

[00:24:53] These folks are flipping the whole damn democracy armed with the self-righteous zeal of the Pharisees.

[00:25:01] Where does that leave us? Brothers and sisters.

[00:25:04] With a democracy that's barely holding on while a sizeable chunk of the Christian population is praying for a king instead of a president.

[00:25:13] Trump's vision of a white Christian utopia, complete with mass deportations, revoked birthrights and a rollback of civil liberties,

[00:25:22] sounds less like a kingdom of heaven and more like a novel that would make George Orwell blush.

[00:25:32] And this new age of faith, it's about pledge and allegiance not to the cross but to the flag.

[00:25:39] And the man waving it with his tiny little fists.

[00:25:43] It's a version of Christianity that has no room for love, sacrifice or service,

[00:25:48] but demands loyalty to a man whose guiding principles have always, always, always been his own reflection.

[00:25:57] So dear brothers and sisters, as you bow your heads and close your eyes, remember to pray for guidance.

[00:26:05] Now not the kind that leads you to love your neighbor or turn the other cheek. No!

[00:26:09] But the kind that teaches you to pray the Magga way.

[00:26:15] Our Father, who art in Mar-a-Lago, hallowed be thy spray tan.

[00:26:22] Amen! And pass the ballot.

[00:26:26] May your voting hand never cramp.

[00:26:32] So we've got a choice people.

[00:26:34] Are we going to keep worshiping this new idol molded from the orange clay of authoritarianism?

[00:26:39] Are we going to keep selling our souls at the altar of power?

[00:26:43] Or are we going to actually remember what it means to follow Jesus?

[00:26:46] Someone who stood against the empire, who stood against religious hypocrisy and who gave his life for the least of these.

[00:26:56] Because if your version of Christianity looks more like a political rally than the Sermon on the Mount,

[00:27:03] I think it's time, I think it's time for a heart check.

[00:27:06] And if you're praying more for a wall than for the welfare of your neighbor,

[00:27:12] it might be just time to pick up another book.

[00:27:16] But hey, who am I to judge?

[00:27:18] After all, I'm just here to preach the good news.

[00:27:22] The Jesus saves, the Jesus loves, everyone.

[00:27:27] But apparently in American Christianity, Trump won up Jesus.

[00:27:35] Trump gives you a better tax bracket.

[00:27:39] Choices, choices, choices.

[00:27:41] So yes, yes, yes, yes.

[00:27:45] The future of a Trump presidency is downright frightening.

[00:27:49] And make sure that you do the littlest thing that you can do,

[00:27:55] which is register to vote and go out and vote.

[00:28:00] Because I feel like that is the bare, bare, bare minimum.

[00:28:05] Percivic discourse as a person in your community.

[00:28:09] But, but you can do more than that.

[00:28:12] Get involved and just make sure that we give fascism the boot

[00:28:18] and say goodbye, Orange Messiah.

[00:28:20] Bye-bye.

[00:28:22] Well, that's all I got today.

[00:28:24] And before I send you off, just a reminder to share the show,

[00:28:27] subscribe, give snarky faith or review over on Apple podcasts.

[00:28:30] It helps to get the word out to new listeners.

[00:28:34] So thank you for being a part of this show week after week, month after month,

[00:28:37] year after year. I appreciate you all wouldn't be here without you.

[00:28:42] Now, now it's time.

[00:28:44] Now it's time, boys and girls.

[00:28:46] Yeah. Yeah. It's time.

[00:28:49] It's time to go.

[00:28:50] So as I release you out into this wild, wide world,

[00:28:55] I send you out with the holiest amount of grace

[00:28:59] and peace and snark.

[00:29:04] I'm out of here.

[00:29:05] Peace be with you.

[00:29:39] This choir cast podcast is brought to you by Inking Christ,

[00:29:43] a theological approach to tattoos by Dr. Justin Skoggins.

[00:29:47] This book is an invitation to view tattoos not as marks of rebellion or mere decoration,

[00:29:52] but as sacred symbols that narrate the story of one's faith and life journey.

[00:29:57] Dr. Skoggins aim is to inspire believers to embrace the artistry of tattoos

[00:30:01] as a legitimate and meaningful form of worship, reflecting the beauty and love of Christ

[00:30:05] in a unique and personal manner. Pick it up today on Amazon.